Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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