imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
