You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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