Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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