How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
