A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
