My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
don't judge my taste in strippers
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
