He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
