I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
