why didn't you poke me back
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
3 2 1 whiskey
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
