This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
They left me at home... I'm a liability
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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