She is in my trunk
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
