wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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