OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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