The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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