i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
