dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
