im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
