once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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