Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
