break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she woke up with a sticky ear
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
