we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
