I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
