I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
