accomplished twins. life is a go
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
