My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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