today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
