he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
