Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
