i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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