You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
