He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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