I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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