I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
