she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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