woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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