my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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