im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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