Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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