Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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