I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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