Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
