last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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