i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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