I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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