apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
