There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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