I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
