That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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