the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
