Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
