i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
